Stress
So, you’re planning your wedding - whether you’re just starting out, or deep into the planning process, you’re probably feeling it: Stress. Our unpopular opinion: wedding planning does not need to be stressful.
Even though we know you just rolled your eyes, we’ll say it again, but louder.
Wedding Planning Does Not Need to be Stressful!!!
Could wedding planning be stressful at times? Yes. But if you are mindful of those stress traps, you can plan and work through them seamlessly. The entire process does not need to make you break out in hives and ruin the experience.
Photo Courtesy of Gold Wing Photography
Why is wedding planning so stressful??
There are a lot of reasons. Some are societal expectations and some are personal pressures. You’ve seen and heard others having lavish affairs or incorporating tons of extras to fuel the party. Their gatherings look perfect, flawless, and beautiful, and you want yours to be much the same. We can’t stress enough - do not compare what your friends, family members, and even celebrities did at their weddings. Remember, everyone’s situation is different.
Photos Courtesy of Luna Munn Photography
How can I manage the stress of planning a wedding?
First, decide what’s important to you. Sit down and envision your wedding weekend. What pops out as the very important and non-negotiables that you want incorporated? Is it religious or heritage components? Is it that your guests have a great time? Do you want to remain relaxed and stress free day-of? Should the dance floor be packed for as long as possible? If you are unsure, you can use our wedding ranking template as a planning tool to establish what is important to both you and your fiance. Find our free download here.
Photo Courtesy of Desirae Jean Photography
Next, identify your stress triggers and do something about them. What could cause stress?
Budgets: Weddings are expensive. Creating your vision and then seeing the corresponding costs add up quickly can be tough. Be realistic when setting your budget, build in some room for the unexpected, and be comfortable saying “no”. If it’s not important to you, don’t feel obligated to do it. And remember - the quickest way to save money is your guest count. Each person you add or take away directly effects your food, beverage, dessert, rentals, table florals, seating, stationary, room block, transportation, and many more expenses.
Decision Paralysis: You are going to have a lot of decisions to make. Understand that this can leads to decision fatigue and decision paralysis, where you are so overwhelmed that you can’t decide. To combat this, break the problem into a list of ingredients that you can decide on individually as you work towards solving the whole. Need to decide on decor? Ok, today, we are only going to decide on a color scheme; nothing more. Tomorrow, or later this week, we can decide on if we want round or rectangular tables and the florals that go with that color palette. Then, we’ll tackle the linens and type of rental chair we want. Finally, we’ll talk to the caterer about what dishware our menu needs and figure out what the table setting looks like. We didn’t answer the initial decor questions all at once, but instead broke the initial overwhelming question into parts, each of which we were more comfortable tackling.
Others’ Opinions: Everyone will have an opinion, and you will need to balance those well-meaning statements from others with your vision of the weekend. Those closest to you, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding, could have strong opinions. Find a way to feel comfortable talking through why you appreciate their feelings and value their opinion, but you want to do something that feels right for you and your fiancé.
The Guest List: Many people dread the guest list. It’s overwhelming and tough to decide on who to invite and who will unfortunately not make the cut. You may insult someone by not inviting them, but remember that you are not responsible for their reactions. You can only manage your own feelings, and if inviting those extra people will put more stress on you for going over budget, you can only be responsible to your feelings and reactions. Explain to them that unfortunately tough decisions had to be made, and you wish that you could have invited more people, but you are very appreciative of their well wishes and excitement for your marriage.
Vendors: A huge portion of event planning is people management. Think of it in construction terms that you are the General Contractor (GC) of your wedding. You will spend a lot of time managing multiple vendors and being the go-between for them to ensure everyone has the information they need. You will ensure that everything they need is onsite day of (Does the caterer know how many vendor meals there are? Does the rental order include a table and linen for the DJ? Does the timeline include breaks for the band? Does the florist know when catering is arriving to set the tables?) It requires significant time and effort, so if this is an area of stress that you want to avoid, consider hiring a wedding planner. Planners and planning packages come in all shapes and sizes for budgets and needs, so explore what works best for your situation.
Time Management: Wedding planning will be happening in addition to your existing life. You’ll be juggling work, school, and life in between answering emails and making decisions. If you are already stretched thin, consider ways you can free up yourself to avoid burnout and feeling overwhelmed. Maybe hire a wedding planner, or carve out some time each Sunday afternoon to devote to planning. Pick the communication style that suites you best - maybe it’s text messages so you can get a quick response to a vendor and it’s off your plate. Maybe you prefer email, so they can sit in your inbox until you are ready to tackle them. There is a system of management called “Getting Things Done”, or GTD. One of the most-valuable rules we have implemented from this system is the “120 second method”. The idea is that if a new task presents itself and you can’t accomplish it within 120 seconds (i.e., 2 minutes), it goes on a list for later. That way you are not pulled from your current task and end up overwhelmed with two unfinished tasks later on. Your list might be for when you next tackle your emails, or when you are able to make phone calls, but either way, if you can’t do it in 120 seconds, do not let it sidetrack you.
Being the Star of the Show: You're planning an event in which you are the guests of honor. There will be times that you are very much in the spot light at your wedding, so think of ways that will help you feel more comfortable with this. Is it taking dance lessons so you feel more at ease moving around the dance floor? Is it having a private vow exchange with just your fiance and no one else? Is it intentionally planning a micro wedding with only the very closest people to you? Can you carve out a couple of 15 minute breaks from your wedding so that you and your new spouse can escape to a quieter area to recharge your social batteries?
"Once-in-a-Lifetime": Everyone will tell you your wedding is a “Once-In-A-Lifetime” event, and well we know that you do not go into this day feeling like it’s a practice for your next wedding, do not let the monumental nature of that saying take over your life. Instead of thinking of your wedding as only happening once and never again, consider that through this process, you are learning skills and tools that you have not yet had to know. You are developing event planning skills from scratch for this event, and who knows where and when you will need those again. Maybe it will be the next family milestone birthday or anniversary; maybe you will take on a new career opportunity that will require you to balance and remain on top of many seemingly unconnected tasks; or maybe it’s the social side of becoming more comfortable performing and speaking in front of groups, practicing with those at your wedding who are the most important people to you.
The Social Media Influence: Remember, you will never see the whole story on social media. You are seeing what that person wants you to see, and not the background or entirety of the situation. Maybe one of their vendors didn’t show up; maybe they weren’t feeling 100% themselves that day; or maybe they went way over budget to create their wedding and now have some regrets on where they allocated their budget. You won’t know, so take what you see with a grain of salt and remember - your day is special to you.
What advice should I keep in mind when planning my wedding?
Photo Courtesy of Hazelton Creative
Have someone to talk to. Wedding planning is a lot. Find someone that you value and that values you and let them be your person to bounce ideas off of, or to just vent to. This can be your sibling, parent, best friend, someone who recently got married, or your wedding planner. The important point is that you trust them and they are available to listen and problem solve when you need it.
**Communication advice (and this can work for your spouse-to-be, too): if you don’t want advice, tell them up front. “I’m feeling very stressed right now and just really need someone to listen to me. Can you listen to me vent right now?” By voicing your need to get something off your chest and not looking for advice, you are telling them what you need and you avoid getting upset because they were the set of ears you needed.Know yourself. If you are someone that works better with a deadline, set some for yourself to hold yourself accountable. If your someone who functions better with having reminders, ask someone who you can trust to help you keep on top of planning by giving you reminders of tasks you should be work on. If either of these give you heartburn just thinking about it, do what works best for you with a process that will make you successful in your planning journey.
If you are truly suffering, find help. Wedding planners exist for a reason, and if a full blow planning package isn’t within your budget, there are other options. Don’t be afraid to ask for consultation services and offerings that would help you with planning but not execution day of. Having someone help guide you through the process and alleviate your pain points can be invaluable. If a wedding planner is still not in your realm, delegate. You will have friends and family that want to help, or have extra time on their hands. Are florals not that important to you? Ask someone close to you to be in charge in your place. Does your fiancé have specific thoughts on the music? Ask them to take that on with little to no involvement from you. Is the flavor of dessert important, but design you aren’t as picky on? Tell your vendor that this is your palette, stationary, and florals, but they have creative freedom otherwise.
The day will fly. We tell our couples this all the time. “Take a breath. Step back and look around to see all of the people who are important to you and are here to celebrate you. Tomorrow will be here before you know it ,so take a few moments to breathe in today while you can.” Don’t be afraid to do this several times. We’ve had couples who pause at the start of the aisle so they can commit to memory the faces of their loved ones gathered around. Other couples have escaped the tent after dark while their guests are filling the dance floor, so that they can see the whole of the event in process. Other couples want to see into their reception before the reception begins. And others yet want to ensure they have a plate of appetizers and hors d’oeuvres to share with their new spouse so they can ensure they got to taste their wedding food.
Post Wedding Blues: In the days following your wedding, don’t be surprised if you have a lot of feelings. You may feel accomplished and proud - as you should; YOU JUST GOT MARRIED!!! But you also might feel a little lost or sad. You just spent a large chunk of time and energy planning your event and now it’s over. Most of your recent conversations and spare time might have been devoted to your wedding. Allow yourself time to adjust and find a new focus in this post-wedding excitement.
What are the next steps?
Now, we know what our stress traps are, so how are we going to move through them?
Photos Courtesy of Luna Munn Photography
